The detailed story of my first born and how it inspired me to become a doula:
There in my dim lit apartment, husband by my side, I moaned and rolled from side to side in our bed.
These encouraging words were whispered softly by my husband. Breathing, laboring, relaxing, breathing, laboring, relaxing. On went this sequence for 6 hours. It was what you would call a textbook labor, as a woman actively and consciously brings her baby closer and closer to the outside world.
As the intensity suddenly increased I rapidly lost my sense of center, my control.
Becoming confused and disoriented I began to disassociate from the pain. At some point my midwife Rachel arrived. Shortly after the most intense sensation of grinding, crippling, and uncontrollable tightening enveloped my whole body Rachel let me know I was in the “transition” phase of labor and that my baby was almost here.
The pain had become so unexpectedly strong that I could no longer disassociate and disconnect from the unbearable sensations. Fear shot though my spine, and panic set it. At one point I went from laying down to experiencing a “fight or flight” response so intense I thought I needed to run, to flee from the pain. It was then that I pleaded from the core of my being “Rachel! Help me!
At that moment soft hands full of love and compassion gripped the sides of face, gently pulling my head in close to hers, she looked deep into my eyes as if she could see the chaos I was battling within. “Look at me,” she said firmly. As I tried to focus on her eyes while my body was squirming in pain she asked me to repeat after her.
“Your body is like the roaring sea, gently ride the wave higher and higher, surrender to its current as it gets stronger, then as the wave peaks, your body relaxes and rides the wave down peacefully to the calm shores for rest.”
As the intensity suddenly increased I rapidly lost my sense of center, my control.
Becoming confused and disoriented I began to disassociate from the pain. At some point my midwife Rachel arrived. Shortly after the most intense sensation of grinding, crippling, and uncontrollable tightening enveloped my whole body Rachel let me know I was in the “transition” phase of labor and that my baby was almost here.
The pain had become so unexpectedly strong that I could no longer disassociate and disconnect from the unbearable sensations. Fear shot though my spine, and panic set it. At one point I went from laying down to experiencing a “fight or flight” response so intense I thought I needed to run, to flee from the pain. It was then that I pleaded from the core of my being “Rachel! Help me!
At that moment soft hands full of love and compassion gripped the sides of face, gently pulling my head in close to hers, she looked deep into my eyes as if she could see the chaos I was battling within. “Look at me,” she said firmly. As I tried to focus on her eyes while my body was squirming in pain she asked me to repeat after her.
“ I’m really scared,” she said.
“I’M REALLY SCARED!!!” I cried out.
“This really hurts,” she said.
“THIS REALLY HURTS!!!” I cried again, this time with tears swelling in my eyes.
“But I can do this, I chose this, I’m doing this for my baby!” she said.
“I CAN do this” I replied. Then with a little reminder of what to say next, “ I CHOSE THIS,” I proclaimed!
Suddenly I felt absolutely no more fear at all, I felt invigorated and strong as the words burst out,
“I’M DOING THIS FOR MY BABY!”
“I’M REALLY SCARED!!!” I cried out.
“This really hurts,” she said.
“THIS REALLY HURTS!!!” I cried again, this time with tears swelling in my eyes.
“But I can do this, I chose this, I’m doing this for my baby!” she said.
“I CAN do this” I replied. Then with a little reminder of what to say next, “ I CHOSE THIS,” I proclaimed!
Suddenly I felt absolutely no more fear at all, I felt invigorated and strong as the words burst out,
“I’M DOING THIS FOR MY BABY!”
“Now push,” Rachel whispered. With all of my strength I pushed. I felt the burning but I was no longer afraid. I new I was safe to feel these sensations. I knew it was exactly the way it was supposed to be. With one more heave from my body, the most magnificent, beautiful baby slipped peacefully into Rachel and my husband’s hands.
In an instant they simultaneously slid her warm body onto my bare breast and covered us in blankets. I looked down and there were the eyes of my first born peering up at me. She captured my heart and made time stand still.
Not only was this the birth of my baby girl it was also the birth of an empowered woman who finally realized her strength! Looking back at that experience I couldn’t help but feel so grateful for my midwife and her presence in the room that night. She was the embodiment of confident, compassionate, feminine wisdom. Her love for me, her passion and devotion, and her unbreakable faith in my ability were the exact things that I needed to feel.
In an instant they simultaneously slid her warm body onto my bare breast and covered us in blankets. I looked down and there were the eyes of my first born peering up at me. She captured my heart and made time stand still.
Not only was this the birth of my baby girl it was also the birth of an empowered woman who finally realized her strength! Looking back at that experience I couldn’t help but feel so grateful for my midwife and her presence in the room that night. She was the embodiment of confident, compassionate, feminine wisdom. Her love for me, her passion and devotion, and her unbreakable faith in my ability were the exact things that I needed to feel.
When I would replay the scene in my head I know without a shadow of a doubt that the single most important thing for me in that moment was to OWN what I was feeling. Once Rachel showed me how to own it I was able to overcome it. Crippling fear no longer shackled me. I had stripped it’s power simply by vocalizing it. All I had left to do now was to triumph in the glory of pure, raw, maternal instinct.
Birth has the potential to be one of the most transformational and spiritual experiences in a woman’s life. I feel blessed to have been gifted such a strengthening, impactful birth experience. Many women have blissful, ecstatic births from start to finish and still discover total empowerment, however I wouldn’t change anything about the way it unfolded for me that night. Having been more afraid than I’ve ever been, feeling so out of control that I literally leap in an effort to run away but then, in an instant, transform that fearful pain into strength is a remarkably profound skill I developed. It is truly a beautiful gift I will cherish forever, one that will serve me in achieving great things for the rest of my life.
Birth has the potential to be one of the most transformational and spiritual experiences in a woman’s life. I feel blessed to have been gifted such a strengthening, impactful birth experience. Many women have blissful, ecstatic births from start to finish and still discover total empowerment, however I wouldn’t change anything about the way it unfolded for me that night. Having been more afraid than I’ve ever been, feeling so out of control that I literally leap in an effort to run away but then, in an instant, transform that fearful pain into strength is a remarkably profound skill I developed. It is truly a beautiful gift I will cherish forever, one that will serve me in achieving great things for the rest of my life.
My name is Rachelle Karin Davis and this is where my journey as a birth advocate and women’s healer started and where my deep devotion to Pachamama, the earth mother, began.
The Gentle Home Birth of Darling, Sweet Baby Pax:
Stay tuned for the birth video of baby Pax!I'm thankful to my husband Sean for being the love, support, and encouragement I needed all through this pregnancy and birth! Sean my dear husband was a pillar of strength yet maintained a gentle touch of reassurance and confidence that I desperately needed all throughout.
Thank you sweet, sweet Zara Boo for sleeping so well through the birth of your baby brother and waking early in the morning so happy to meet him! You loved him at first sight and he loved you too!
Our precious Pax was born healthy, strong and with a touch of sweet strawberry-red hair! He has been
a shining light and burst of happy energy in our home every day since he arrived. We couldn't be more thankful to have his sweet spirit in our lives.
We would also like to thank our wonderful midwife, Rachel Talley, and partner, Eulia. They were a great team and fabulous support in many ways. I learned to find my own empowerment and inner strength from Rachel and for that I will always be grateful.
Thank you Lindsay Davis for being such a sweet support and help to me in numerous ways. You truly were a doula in disguise.
Thank you Natalie Tanner for capturing beautiful photos that we will always cherish.
Thank you Shona Moyer for putting our video together that we might always remember how sacred his birth was.
Thank you everyone on this birth team for helping us achieve the goal of a beautiful, peaceful, and gentle birth for our baby boy.
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